The Concept of Love
by azhaela
Summary: Destiel - Castiel learns that he's in love with Dean...
1. Chapter 1

Destiel! I hope y'all enjoy. I'll be adding more as I go.

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When I'm with Dean, I feel strange. I feel things I've never felt before. I have to clear my head in order to speak properly and force my hands not to shake. Sometimes my skin flushes, but thankfully, a lot of the time we're enveloped in darkness, so he never seems to notice.

I know Dean thinks lowly of himself, and I can't grasp why. He'd trade his life in a second for Sam without another thought. He's selfless and brave and everything I wish I could be when I'm with him.

But I can't be like that around him.

I made the mistake of consulting Gabriel for advice.

"Castiel, buddy-boy, what can I do for you today?" Gabriel was, per usual, enjoying a candy bar, not breaking eye contact with me.

I furrowed my eyebrows just a bit before continuing. "I seem to be having some emotional issues that I can't comprehend."

Gabriel raised his eyebrows, and I instantaneously knew this was a bad idea. "Oh? Are you a lovesick little puppy, Cassy?"

I tilted my head slightly. "I don't appear to be a canine in any way, so that analogy is incorrect." Gabriel doesn't always make sense to me.

Gabriel rolled his eyes. "No, no, you twat. I was asking if you are in love."

"I'm not sure, Gabriel, that's why I came to you."

"Coming to me for love advice was your first mistake, Cassy." Gabriel took another bite of his candy bar, licking his fingers. "Do you feel… dizzy at times? Skin flushes? You start shaking? Voice cracks?"

I narrowed my eyes slightly as I pondered the questions. "It appears as if I am in love."

"Oh, really? Who's the lucky girl?" Gabriel raised his eyebrows at me, watching expectantly.

I said nothing. I wasn't aware that love had to be between a female and a male to be considered correct.

"Not a girl, is it? Tsk, tsk, tsk, Cassy, how sinful." Gabriel shook his head, clicking his tongue. "Tell me, is it Sammy or Dean?"

"Dean," I muttered, knowing I couldn't hide it after this.

Gabriel made an odd noise and jumped up, clapping his hands and squealing like an overexcited fangirl. "Oh, how delightful! I will tell him right awa-"

"No, you won't." I hadn't meant for my voice to be as stern as it was.

"Rawwrrrr! Feisty lil' angel, aren't ya?" Gabriel finished his candy bar and gave me the strangest of smiles. "He'll figure it out soon, yes?"

"I'm sure. Dean is smart."

"Goody!" Gabriel grinned at me again. "I wish you the best of luck."


	2. Chapter 2

I watched carefully as Dean beheaded the last vampire, concluding our hunt. I swallowed, slowly approaching him. "Nicely done," I said carefully, using everything I had to keep my voice from wavering.

"Thanks, Cas. Nice job with the smiting and stuff back there." Dean slapped me on the back a few times before following a frustrated looking Sam out of the warehouse. I suppose that was supposed to be a friendly gesture. I watched him for a moment before following him.

"So what now? Return to the motel?" Sam opened the passenger door of the Impala, looking at Dean.

"Guess so. Cas, are you coming with us?" Dean glanced back at me as he got into the driver's side.

I blinked and shivered when Dean said my name. Well, the name he calls me by. "If it isn't bothersome," I said, my voice shaking just a bit. Sam must have noticed because he furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, looking at me as he settled in his seat and closed the door.

"Nah. C'mon." Dean started the Impala as I gingerly pulled open the door and slid into the backseat.

The drive was somewhat tedious. I knew I could simply be at the motel with a wave of my hand, but the time with Dean made the unentertaining drive worth it. I wanted to say something, but I couldn't come up with anything to say, which I found unusual.

Eventually, we pulled into the lot of the motel. I had to shake my head to bring my gaze away from Dean, who I didn't even realize I was looking at.

"Cas." The sound was sudden, causing me to jolt slightly.

"Yes?" I realized it was Sam who said my name.

"Conference. Now. Private." Sam opened my car door and ushered me out, leaving Dean confused.

"Is there something I may help you with?" I said once we were out of Dean's earshot.

"Dude, are you feeling okay?"

"Certainly. Why do you ask?" I tilted my head a bit.

"You were having a one-sided staring contest with Dean for most of the ride here. Care to explain?" Sam raised his eyebrows slightly.

"What is the purpose of a contest if the contest only has one side?"

"Cas." Sam's eyes spoke annoyance.

"My apologies. I don't understand what knowledge you hope to gain from my answer to your question."

Sam said nothing, he simply glared at me.

I sighed. "I believe I may be experiencing feelings of endearment for Dean."

Sam's expression was blank.

"Love."

"Oh."

We stood in silence for a moment.

"Should I tell him?" Sam's voice broke the silence.

"No. I am fairly certain he can discover it on his own accord."

Sam nodded. "Are you joining us in our room, or-"

I shook my head. "I don't need a room. I will guard you outside of your room while you rest."

"Sammy! What's the hold-up?" Dean's voice pierced the evening.

"Coming, Dean." Sam was still looking at me. "I don't think Dean will be happy with that."

Before I could speak, Sam was already walking back towards Dean. There was nothing I could do except follow.

"Cas, you can stay in our room for the night. I mean, I know angels don't need sleep and all that jazz, but it's risky to stand around outside." Dean looked at me and I nearly fainted.

"As you wish." I followed them into their room, where the two hunters slipped into separate beds.

The night drifted on wordlessly, both of them sleeping without a sound.


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry this is kind of a short one! Thanks for all the love to my fic so far; it's my first fic, so I hope it's enjoyable!

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Sam awoke at daybreak, greeting me with a loud thud as he fell out of bed.

"Good morning, Sam." I turned away from the window to face him. "Was your slumber enjoyable?"

"Cas, don't talk to me until 8 AM at the earliest, please." Sam was still on the floor, squinting against the upcoming sunlight.

"My apologies," I said quietly, turning back to the window.

Sam had slipped off to the bathroom, leaving me alone with Dean. I was unsure if this was a good thing or a bad thing. I could sense Dean stirring behind me, so I simply said, "Good morning, Dean."

"Mornin', Cas. How'd ya sleep?" Dean muttered tiredly.

"Angels do not require slumber, Dean. We have been through this."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Dean pulled himself up, stretching, and I couldn't help it; I gazed at him in a way you could call awestruck. His eyes were closed, and his muscles were evident under his thin shirt. My face flushed, and I quickly turned back to the window.

"Cas? Are you okay?" Dean was standing now, coming closer, and my heart was about to leap out of my chest. I swallowed roughly and shivered slightly, forcing myself to calm down.

"I'm fine, Dean, why do you ask?" My tone was uneven, and I regretted speaking as soon as the words left my mouth.

"You can't lie to me." Dean was close to me now, too close. He put a hand on my shoulder and steered me around, gently but firmly. I nearly jumped out of my skin when he first touched me. He had both hands on my shoulders and was looking me in the eyes, searching for answers.

I swallowed again, lowering my gaze. I knew he could feel me shaking slightly, he could see my face flushing. I felt a bit dizzy and leaned back against the window.

"Cas?" Dean immediately pulled me back up, carefully guiding me to his bed before settling me down. "Dude, you're totally not okay."

I didn't look at him. I couldn't. I had my head down, my gaze at my feet as he desperately tried to figure me out. He finally put a few fingers under my chin and guided my gaze to meet his. I shuddered just a bit, feeling very warm but unable to tear my gaze from his.

Dean was shaking now, not moving his fingers from under my chin. He furrowed his eyebrows just a bit before saying, "Cas, you're scaring me to death."

I suddenly felt very fuzzy. My lower body felt strange. I didn't break eye contact with Dean, still saying nothing.

That's when I blacked out.


	4. Chapter 4

I awoke to cold water being splashed on my face. I kept my eyes closed to avoid getting water in my eyes and started twitching uncomfortably.

"Dean, he's coming to." I recognized Sam's voice.

"'Bout time." I heard footsteps coming closer.

"Dean?" I spoke, my voice hoarse.

"Shut up, Cas. I'm not trying to be rude or anything, I just don't want you to wear yourself out." Dean looked at me, his eyes showing concern.

"My apologies."

"Cas." Sam rolled his eyes at me. "Quit apologizing for everything. This isn't your fault."

I started to apologize for apologizing, but realized I shouldn't. "How long…" My voice cracked when I glanced at Dean, so I hastily looked back at Sam. "How long was I unconscious?"

"About an hour." Sam started to say something else, but quickly stopped.

I sat up. "Is there something-"

Sam shushed me and looked quickly at Dean. "Dean, why don't you get Cas a towel so he can wipe this water off his face? It can't be comfortable."

Dean nodded before disappearing.

As soon as Dean left, Sam looked back at me and muttered, "Dean was worried sick about you the entire time. When you first passed out, he practically shrieked for me to come help." Sam swallowed. "He was near tears."

I was silent for a moment. "Does that mean-"

Sam gave me a look as Dean came back and tossed the towel at us. "I also may have told him about… what you think of him," Sam whispered. He handed me the towel before muttering, "I'm gonna go get some lunch."

Before I could protest, Sam was gone, and it was just the two of us. We sat in uncomfortable yet blissful silence for a while.

Finally, Dean spoke. "I was really worried about you."

"I apologize for worrying you." I stood up, my gaze at the floor. "I will leave."

"Cas, wait." There was something odd about Dean's voice. I couldn't figure out what.

When I looked up, I realized Dean was trembling uncomfortably. Furrowing my eyebrows a bit and tilting my head, I asked, "Is something wrong?"

"You."

"What?"

Dean stepped closer to me until there was only a few inches between us. "You. You're what's wrong."

I immediately felt let down, my heart feeling heavy. I closed my eyes and lowered my head. "My apologies. I wasn't aware that I was an issue."

"Cas…" Dean lifted my chin again. My heart was pounding and I didn't know what to expect. He traced his fingers along my jawbone. "...Don't go."

I swallowed, shivering just a bit. I didn't break eye contact - I couldn't. I felt my heart rate speeding up even more and my skin flushing.

Before I could say anything, he leaned in, his lips brushing across mine timidly. It had to be the first time I could describe anything Dean does as timid. I stood in shock for a moment before reacting, attempting to mimic what he did. I felt like a fool for being so inexperienced, but hearing the noise he made, I was fairly certain he was enjoying it.

Dean gently pressed his hand to my chest without breaking the kiss, easing me back onto the bed. I went with it, unsure of what to do.

I felt Dean bite my lip gently, and I couldn't keep myself from shuddering as he deepened the kiss. He touched my hair, an odd feeling that I wasn't used to. Eventually, he pulled away slightly, resting his forehead against mine.

"I'm sorry." Dean finally spoke.

"Don't be." I ran my hand through his short hair, smiling softly at him. "I love you, Dean."

"I love you too, Cas."


End file.
